Violent Literary Incursion in Disneyland, Novorossiya Responsible
Department of Histrionics, 9/9/14
Leading members of the Department of Histrionics were shocked to discover that they had been the victims of a violent literary incursion today.
Five prominent members were horrified to discover that they had received copies of Alexander Dugin’s ‘Fourth Political Theory’ in the mail.
“I can’t understand it,” one shocked member said, “it’s full of philosophy and talks about ontological states of being…I find his writing disturbing and confusing.”
The man also received a serious paper cut from opening it due to the cheap wrapping paper, requiring a band aid be used.
The package also contained the chilling message “Read it PIG. Love, Novorossiya .”
The author of the message claims to be Rasputin, threatens to annexe the Ukraine and found the Hungarian Empire.
The Department of Histrionics believes Novorossiya to be one big, nasty ‘hate group’ full of ‘white supremacists’.
An estimated two billion internet users within Disneyland are believed to part of Novorossiya.
The Department of Histrionics has taken serious action and banned all sales of Lady Gaga’s music to Russia.
All books mentioning ontology are also to be banned because Alexander Dugin is a Grammar Nazi.