Department of Histrionics, 14/09/14
The Department of Histrionics was today shocked to discover a sharp decline in popularity polls. Increases in public hysteria had been expected due to new propaganda appearing in the country’s largest population of bath salt zombies. However figures emerged showing that an excess of propaganda was beginning to adversely affect the population instead of stupefy them.
“I can’t believe anything I read anymore” said one jaded citizen. “There’s nothing in the news except stories about arresting obscure revolutionaries I’ve never heard of. Who the hell are these people?” He elaborated further by speculating on the increasing amount of dangerous political revolutionaries no one had ever heard of by saying:
“Why does this country even have so many obscure revolutionaries? If they are so frigging dangerous how come they are all guys no one has ever heard of? I think you guys are just subjecting us to bulls**t to cover up other political problems like the economy.”
These remarks consisted with polls showing that recent attempts to indoctrinate and brainwash citizens had been unsuccessful. The Department claims to be coming up with new attempts to generate hysteria which are not as obvious as ‘obscure revolutionaries no one has heard of’ and correspondingly had all men with ginger hair declared as ‘violent radicals’. Copies of the ‘Koran for Dummies’ are to uploaded to citizens computers later this week so that any anonymous blog comments placed by the government look more incriminating. One expert however is worried that the departments lack of ability to invent new and credible bulls**t is damaging political control.
“Every time we get caught spinning bulls**t, more obscure revolutionaries spring up. It’s like the damned Middle East, every time we bomb the s**t out of them, another bigger, more offensive Islamic state springs up. Picking off the obscure revolutionaries no one has ever heard of is getting like playing whackamole. Every time we get rid of one guy, another guy appears that’s more irritating than the last one. For some reason the more people we arrest, the more revolutionaries appear. It’s weird – it’s almost if being arrested and tortured makes people angry. ”
The Department of Histrionics is holding an urgent meeting to discuss how to cultivate more authentic sounding public hysteria that does not create more obscure revolutionaries. Recent heavy handed whackings of political dissidents appears to be not terrifying society into silence enough.
It is as yet unclear if more civilians need to be arrested or if there is a need to generate further anonymous blog comments and upload them to people’s computers. New terms are being suggested by the Chief Officer of Hyperbole to replace ‘white supremacists’ as the new panic trigger such as ‘Violent Radicals’ ‘Crypto-Fascists’, and ‘Manson Admirers.’
New propaganda is hoped to have been generated by the end of next month. The government hopes to have citizens cease questioning our authority again by the end of 2015, when full frontal lobotomies are set to be performed on all civilians with IQs over 120.