Evola Outbreak in Europe, Infecting Disneyland
Department of Histrionics, 11/9/14
Evola is spreading like wildlife through Europe, Russia, and the United Kingdom. Almost everyone in Italy is infected with Evola and avoidance is recommended. Cases of Evola are now being reported in Disneyland. Symptoms include violent verbal haemorrhaging when faced with modernity, allergic reactions to consumerism, pain when listening to rap music, dislike of sporting attire and a chronic aversion to modern art – there is no known cure for Evola.
The Department of Histrionics has tried to contain the spread of Evola in Disneyland, but it is not working. One agent explains the risk of Evola.
“Everything we know about Histronics just doesn’t work on them. We tried calling them Fascists and White Supremacists but it didn’t work. They just keep coming, wave after wave. It’s like they are actually immune to being called White Supremacists. They just don’t care. One of them started debating with us in an aggressive fashion and used his vocabulary to confuse us. He convinced half of my squad that he wasn’t a White Supremacist, casually hurled a copy of Revolt Against the Modern World into our midst, and two guys started to read it! Some of our most valued members are getting infected with Evola.”
“We had another outbreak of Evola where one of them held his monocle up to the sun shouting something about the ‘Solar Nordic Aryan Tradition’ and it started shooting out laser beams everywhere, infecting more people with Evola. How are we going contain it? We’re just not trained to deal with divine wrath. Evola is infecting public libraries for God’s sake!”
The Department of Histrionics advises the following if you come into contact with someone infected with Evola:
- Try calling them Fascists and White Supremacists. Do not debate them. Debating has been known to result in infection.
- Do not share books containing Evola.
- Beware of divine wrath. Even Catholics with Evola can use divine wrath if provoked.
- Try to banish them with Dada and modern art. Rap music has also been known to drive away Evola.
- Try calling them White Supremacists again. Sooner or later it pisses most people off.
- Be careful, once infected there is no known cure for Evola.