‘Electronic Reign of Terror’: Anonymous Blog Comments Causing Solar Flares Says NASA Ministry of Histrionics, 13/9/14
Scientists at NASA documented for the first time a massive amount of anonymous blog comments that had been encrypted and transformed into radio waves.
The gigantic nebula of anonymous blog comments first formed at Uranus, but has since gained in both mass and acceleration. NASA believes the trajectory is set for the anonymous blog comments to collide with the sun later this week, causing deadly class x solar flares which will create an ‘electronic reign of terror’ on earth.
Facebook is expected to go down. Millions of people will be forced to converse with each other and live in the real word. Citizens are terrified at the thought of living without Facebook and SMS messages. It is also feared teenagers will no longer be able to procreate without the ability to take ‘selfies’.
The economy is also set to take a hit as people will have to use real currency instead of imaginary bits of plastic and paper. Life on earth will changed, lives devastated as internet users are forced to interact with each other and the world is plunged back into the 1980s.
We interviewed one web troll, who claimed to have spammed thousands of websites with anonymous blog comments out of personal boredom and he said:
“Anonymous blog comments aren’t the problem. The problem is most websites are crap. If they weren’t crap people wouldn’t troll them and leave anonymous comments there in the first place. These websites really are s**t.”
Joe Schumckzi, owner of some of the world’s most visited sites, denies his websites are full of crap.
“We have articles on celebrities, sports, models, fashion and hundreds of recipes. I use small words and limit content to the reading level of twelve year olds, how can it be crap? I don’t understand. I’m truly sorry that my websites have generated so many anonymous blog comments that they now threaten to plunge us back into the 1980s, but I just don’t know what I can do to stop anonymous blog comments. I just can’t write interesting content.”
The Ministry of Histrionics warns that humanity should prepare to be plunged back into the 1980s early next week in case the solar flares hit. Users found to making anonymous web comments may have to be incarcerated to prevent further solar flares.