Violent Anti-Zionist Revolutionary Cultist to Be Executed Department of Histrionics, Rome, 33 A.D.
Jesus Christ Violently Attacking Banking Industry, Inciting Revolt Against Rome
Today, the rebel leader Jesus Christ, leader of the anti-Zionist Christianity cult which has threatened to topple the Roman Empire is to be executed by crucifixion.
Jesus Christ, a notorious trouble-maker in Jerusalem has been caught violently tipping the tables of Jewish money lenders in the temple shouting “MY HOUSE SHALL BE CALLED A HOUSE OF PRAYER’; but you are making it a ROBBERS’ DEN!”
Jesus Christ is also believed to have composed the New Testament in encrypted language consisting of complex numerology which the Roman Empire cannot decipher at this point in time. They have stored the text in case one day someone can decode the New Testament.
It was put before the people yesterday in a juridical process in line with Jewish Tradition and asked if they would rather free the murderer Barabas or Jesus Christ. The people unanimously decided Jesus Christ was more dangerous and released Barabas. Pontius Pilate, a prominent official of Rome says;
“I’m glad to wash my hands of the affair. Jesus Christ is the most obnoxious revolutionary to ever trouble our empire. But there was no way he could topple it, except with that cult of his. I expect all the Christians to disappear once Jesus has been publically tortured and executed….after all it’s not like he’s going to come back from the dead is it?”
The Roman Empire, following the death of Jesus Christ, expects to live another few thousand years with Jesus Christ gone. The massacre in Gaul is set to continue.
Department of Histrionics, 14/09/14
The Department of Histrionics was today shocked to discover a sharp decline in popularity polls. Increases in public hysteria had been expected due to new propaganda appearing in the country’s largest population of bath salt zombies. However figures emerged showing that an excess of propaganda was beginning to adversely affect the population instead of stupefy them.
“I can’t believe anything I read anymore” said one jaded citizen. “There’s nothing in the news except stories about arresting obscure revolutionaries I’ve never heard of. Who the hell are these people?” He elaborated further by speculating on the increasing amount of dangerous political revolutionaries no one had ever heard of by saying:
“Why does this country even have so many obscure revolutionaries? If they are so frigging dangerous how come they are all guys no one has ever heard of? I think you guys are just subjecting us to bulls**t to cover up other political problems like the economy.”
These remarks consisted with polls showing that recent attempts to indoctrinate and brainwash citizens had been unsuccessful. The Department claims to be coming up with new attempts to generate hysteria which are not as obvious as ‘obscure revolutionaries no one has heard of’ and correspondingly had all men with ginger hair declared as ‘violent radicals’. Copies of the ‘Koran for Dummies’ are to uploaded to citizens computers later this week so that any anonymous blog comments placed by the government look more incriminating. One expert however is worried that the departments lack of ability to invent new and credible bulls**t is damaging political control.
“Every time we get caught spinning bulls**t, more obscure revolutionaries spring up. It’s like the damned Middle East, every time we bomb the s**t out of them, another bigger, more offensive Islamic state springs up. Picking off the obscure revolutionaries no one has ever heard of is getting like playing whackamole. Every time we get rid of one guy, another guy appears that’s more irritating than the last one. For some reason the more people we arrest, the more revolutionaries appear. It’s weird – it’s almost if being arrested and tortured makes people angry. ”
The Department of Histrionics is holding an urgent meeting to discuss how to cultivate more authentic sounding public hysteria that does not create more obscure revolutionaries. Recent heavy handed whackings of political dissidents appears to be not terrifying society into silence enough.
It is as yet unclear if more civilians need to be arrested or if there is a need to generate further anonymous blog comments and upload them to people’s computers. New terms are being suggested by the Chief Officer of Hyperbole to replace ‘white supremacists’ as the new panic trigger such as ‘Violent Radicals’ ‘Crypto-Fascists’, and ‘Manson Admirers.’
New propaganda is hoped to have been generated by the end of next month. The government hopes to have citizens cease questioning our authority again by the end of 2015, when full frontal lobotomies are set to be performed on all civilians with IQs over 120.
Evola Outbreak in Europe, Infecting Disneyland
Department of Histrionics, 11/9/14
Evola is spreading like wildlife through Europe, Russia, and the United Kingdom. Almost everyone in Italy is infected with Evola and avoidance is recommended. Cases of Evola are now being reported in Disneyland. Symptoms include violent verbal haemorrhaging when faced with modernity, allergic reactions to consumerism, pain when listening to rap music, dislike of sporting attire and a chronic aversion to modern art – there is no known cure for Evola.
The Department of Histrionics has tried to contain the spread of Evola in Disneyland, but it is not working. One agent explains the risk of Evola.
“Everything we know about Histronics just doesn’t work on them. We tried calling them Fascists and White Supremacists but it didn’t work. They just keep coming, wave after wave. It’s like they are actually immune to being called White Supremacists. They just don’t care. One of them started debating with us in an aggressive fashion and used his vocabulary to confuse us. He convinced half of my squad that he wasn’t a White Supremacist, casually hurled a copy of Revolt Against the Modern World into our midst, and two guys started to read it! Some of our most valued members are getting infected with Evola.”
Example of Confusing Debating from Individuals Infected with Evola
“We had another outbreak of Evola where one of them held his monocle up to the sun shouting something about the ‘Solar Nordic Aryan Tradition’ and it started shooting out laser beams everywhere, infecting more people with Evola. How are we going contain it? We’re just not trained to deal with divine wrath. Evola is infecting public libraries for God’s sake!”
The Department of Histrionics advises the following if you come into contact with someone infected with Evola:
- Try calling them Fascists and White Supremacists. Do not debate them. Debating has been known to result in infection.
- Do not share books containing Evola.
- Beware of divine wrath. Even Catholics with Evola can use divine wrath if provoked.
- Try to banish them with Dada and modern art. Rap music has also been known to drive away Evola.
- Try calling them White Supremacists again. Sooner or later it pisses most people off.
- Be careful, once infected there is no known cure for Evola.
Department of Histrionics, 9/11/14
The authorities of Disneyland now pass full power to the NSA to abduct citizens from their homes and torture them for Facebook posts, blog comments and ‘social pollution’ via the secret surveillance project ‘Truther’ which was developed by Disneyland university academics. Via Project Truther, Disneyland now declares War on Internet Error against all subversive social elements, citizens and individuals in Disneyland.
The Department of Histrionics declares that all hackers, anarchists, fascists, communists, critics, writers, thinkers, philosophers, artists, musicians and anyone expressing dissent on the internet must now be immediately silenced. Brutally. Especially if they are white supremacists.
The media is now controlled by the Department of Histrionics, and all Freedom of Thought is to be removed from Disneyland.
Here is the official statement issued by the Department of Histrionics:
The official spokesman of Anonymous known only as’V’ responded with the following message:
Remember: RANDOM IS RESISTANCE